Being There, for Real — The Power of Listening and Reflective Listening

As working within peer support as a veteran and first responder, I’ve learned that showing up for others often means far more than just being physically present. In our line of work, we are trained to take action, to fix, to solve the problem in front of us. But over the years, I have realized that some of the most powerful moments of healing happen when I simply listen. When I stop trying to fix things and instead allow someone the space to be seen and heard, something shifts. That moment of presence can be the beginning of healing both for them and for me.

Listening is not as simple as it sounds. It is more than hearing words. It is giving someone your full attention, without judgment or distraction. It is setting aside the instinct to give advice or compare experiences, and instead choosing to be fully there. True listening requires patience and humility, and it reminds me that sometimes the most courageous thing I can do is stay quiet and hold space for another person’s story.

Reflective listening has become one of the most meaningful tools I have learned in my own healing journey. When I listen to someone share their pain and reflect back what I hear “It sounds like you felt…” or “What I’m hearing is…” I’m letting them know that I’m trying to understand, not to fix. For many of us who have served, being understood can feel like a rare gift. Reflective listening builds trust, lowers defenses, and communicates something deeper than words ever could: “You’re not alone.”

There was a time when I thought strength meant carrying everything on my own. I believed that admitting I was struggling or asking for help meant weakness. But through my experiences in service and the community I’ve learned that true strength is found in connection. It’s found when we can look at one another and say, “I’ve been there too.” When someone listens with compassion, the walls begin to come down, and healing can finally begin.

Being there for others doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means showing up as you are. Some days, I don’t have much to give, and I’ve learned that honesty is part of being real. If I need space or rest, I take it. If I can offer an ear or a moment of understanding, I give it. Supporting others isn’t about perfection, it’s about presence. It’s about showing up, even when it’s hard, and letting someone know they matter.

Listening changes things. It deepens empathy, strengthens relationships, and reminds us that we are not meant to do life alone. I’ve seen it in my own life, when I take the time to listen, both of us walk away lighter. Healing doesn’t always come from grand gestures or big breakthroughs. Sometimes it begins quietly, in the simple act of being there and truly listening.

No matter what you’ve been through, you are not alone. When we learn to listen with our hearts, we create space for hope, and that’s where healing begins.

Authored by BRAVE Together Founder, Matt Thompson, Washington State